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April 1, 2013

This year rebirth and renewal are juxtaposed with the loss of my partner’s “Nanny”, his paternal grandma.  When the door closes on someone’s life it always feels so final, which is stating the obvious, but the sensation  somehow catches you off guard anyway.  The story of that person’s life is written.  The last chapter wrapped up.

This year, too, we just welcomed the fourth child into our family.  So birth and death happening at once have heightened the emotions of each experience: joy, relief, sadness, finality, hope…  While it is a big decision to have this many children and commit to actually bringing them up well, I feel like it was absolutely the right decision for us.  I watch my older daughter hold this new precious girl, watch them lovingly gaze into each others’ eyes, and feel so darned blessed.  As our toddler gets older and my older son finally has someone to wrestle with and pal around with a bit, I feel like our family has balance.  When I am absolutely maxed out with feeding, bathing, clothing, playing with and hearing all of these beautiful beings I feel satisfied by the challenge of this job.  Isn’t there something about bones being strengthened by pressure, or metal being strengthened by being tested?  That is me – an athlete in training for this marathon of mothering.

I want to record a couple of funny moments, because this last two weeks of Spring Break have been such a whirlwind.  I’m sure when I look back on these years I won’t remember many details, so I hope I can find time to post a few here to look back on in my old age and chuckle over.  A moment of pride in pulling it all together – getting over to Vancouver for the night to visit my siblings.  I packed for four kids and myself, including activities for the ferry, diapers, blankies, soothers, snacks, and books.  I got myself and all of them washed and dressed and fed by 8:30 am (it helps that Baby sleeps in), put the three older ones in the van – Big Boy with DS, Big Girl listening to an audiobook on the car stereo, and Little Guy in his carseat with a whole apple to munch on.  Baby in the Ergo, I rushed upstairs for 10 minutes to blow out my hair, phew!  The trip itself was so fun, mostly because we had the ferry to ourselves on the way over and my mom is so super at preempting problems, and my brother and his family are such easygoing, gracious hosts. 

Coming home we decided to go through downtown Vancouver, got stuck in traffic with Baby screaming, then Little Guy crying about his full diaper.  Arrived at the ferry to find out it was full so had to use my parents’ assured loading passes.  Waited in line for 40 minutes of diaper changes, Big Kids whining, and Little Guy climbing all over the vehicle. By the time we got back on the Island I was exhausted.  We transferred everything from my mom’s vehicle into mine, strapped in tired kids and headed home for dinner.  I said, “Guys, it’s been a busy day and I need to have a quiet drive home.  I don’t want to hear a peep.”  From the backseat, Little Guy, who parrots everything these days, started saying, “peep, peep, peep!”  We all had a good laugh.

Baby’s waking up again, hopefully for a dream feed before a longer stretch of sleep.  Lots of exciting change on the horizon that I hope to write about soon.  Bring Spring!

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